


Little Girl Lost

by Cernunnos



Category: Hellsing
Genre: Child Death, Family Drama, Original Character Death(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-29
Updated: 2013-11-29
Packaged: 2018-01-02 23:57:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1063229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cernunnos/pseuds/Cernunnos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Almost ninety-six years after his sister's death, Dok decides to give her a proper burial. A sequel to 'Origins'.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Little Girl Lost

_December 28, 1917_  
  
 _My name is Avondale Napyeer. Today, my sister, Steffi Napyeer, has died. She had just turned four this past October. The ground is hard, so Papa and I took her to the barn and buried her there. Papa says we will bury her properly when Spring comes. I do not think she would like to be buried in the barn. The walls are dirty and there is not much light that comes in. Steffi loved to be out in the Sun. I do not think she would want her clothes and toys burnt either, but Papa says that there is blood on much of them and that we could get sick too. I would not mind. I would have rather died than her. I do not understand why he could not save her; Papa is the best doctor in Hessen. He should have been able to cure her! Mama says that it was her time to be with God, but why would God take her now?! That is not a loving God. A loving God would not make her ail with pain and sickness for months. A loving God would not make her suffer and then steal her away from us._  
  
 _I have saved one of her toys and hidden it away. It was her favorite: a little tin dog. I could not bear to see it burned. I will keep it always and think of her. I hope Mama is right. I hope Steffi is in Heaven and that she does not hurt any longer. I hope she will remember me and that I loved her. I do not think that when I die, I will be allowed to see her._  
  
  
There is a saying that no parent should have to bury their children before them…but it is also true that no child should ever have to bury their younger sibling. It should not fall to the shoulders of a boy to put his sister’s corpse in a sack and drag it through the snow. It should not fall to him to help dig the hole in which she would rest. It should not fall to him to shovel dirt over her and tamp the ground.  
  
Our father had promised that we would bury her properly in the Spring or early Summer, but the time never came; he was always too busy to be bothered with giving his daughter that respect. She has waited in that hole for nearly ninety-six years. It is time that I give her the peace our parents never would.  
  
The sky is dark; there is no moon tonight, but it is just as well. I do not know who owns this land, now, and who would believe me if I told them that my sister was buried here? The barn is gone – likely rotted away long ago. That does not matter; even after all these years, my feet still know the way. I know where she is. I never forgot.  
  
I am no stranger to robbing graves, but this is no grave. I am no stranger to pilfering corpses, but this is no mere corpse. Mina and the others… Their bodies were sacred; they were meant to be used as tools for a greater purpose. But Steffi’s is sacred in a different way. I do not mean to defile her remains with dark arts. Would that I could, my hands would not touch her precious bones. She does not deserve to be tainted like the rest.  
  
There was a time that I had thought to bring her back – not as a necromancer’s puppet, but with true resurrection. But how selfish would that have been? How selfish would it be to pull her out of Heaven just to have her by my side again? Here, she would suffer in agony until the angels above rained down their mighty wrath on me for having done such a thing. Oh, but how I wish to see her again…  
  
It takes hours, but though my old bones and muscles sing with pain, I do not stop. While I could summon minions to my aide, this is my burden alone to bear. The sack is all but gone – nothing more than tattered scraps clinging to the moulded fabric of what had once been the prettiest dress she’d owned. Beneath that lay the frailest, most brittle bones I have ever seen. I am afraid to touch them. I am afraid that they will turn to dust in my hands, but I cannot go back. I must finish what I started all those years ago.  
  
Here lies the little girl I taught to read. Here lies the little girl I sang and danced to sleep. Here lies the little girl who sat with me in the Sun, who I chased through the meadow, who I held to assuage her fears. Here lies the little girl I loved, lost to time when the world forgot. But I remember. I still remember.  
  
Just as I fear, she nearly dissolves in my hands when I scoop what is left of her out; however, her skull and a few of the larger bones do not disintegrate. The box I have brought with me is not nearly big enough to be a proper coffin, but I could not carry one here. I can only pray she forgives me; this is the best I could do for a man who should have died fifty years ago. It is wood – black oak – and I have inscribed her name on its lid by hand. I know that it will eventually decay, but for now, it will hold her bones and dust until after I am long dead myself.  
  
I must arrange her carefully to fit everything inside without damaging her too greatly, and once I am certain that she is well-placed, I reach into my pocket and produce a small satin bag. Within it is an old toy – a tin dog saved from fire, monsters, and war. I have kept it as pristine as possible, but there might be a small ding or two in it from moving around so much. Hopefully, she will understand that I tried to be gentle with it. This, bag and all, I place in her box, and finally close the lid to latch it shut.  
  
It is with a heavy heart that I return her to the ground here. I cannot bear to bury her with our parents, though; Steffi deserves more respect than that. No, it is better, I suppose, that she remain on the land where she spent her short life from birth. This is where she belongs: not in a barn anymore, but in this beautiful field beneath the sky. At least, instead of dirty walls, she can see the Sun.  
  
Each spadeful of dirt seems to grow lighter than the last as I refill the grave. It is a proper grave, now, and not merely a hole dug from convenience. In spite of my anguish, I suppose I am relieved by all of this. Now, when I die, I may do so in good conscience.  
  
The ground is tamped down, and I take a last long look at this place. I swore I would not return after our father’s death, but this… This will truly be the last time I return to Hessen. In the twilight, I can make out the faint lines of the mountains stretching up toward Heaven, and the smattering of woods at their base. This is my home…our home – a land full of blooming meadows, where we, as children in our mother’s hands, sat in blossoms and flowers. The cool wind – that which I had once blamed for chilling her – feels far more refreshing than I remember it having ever been.  
  
As I turn to collect my things to go, I catch something moving out of the corner of my eye. It is only there for a split-second – likely a trick of the shadows – but for the briefest moment, it appears to be her image standing only a few yards away before disappearing into the inky blackness once more. The wind picks up, slicing through my coat as if it were not there, and so I pause to wrap it around me a bit more tightly. I am sure my ears deceive me when I hear a faint ‘Danke, Bruder’ from behind me. I cannot tarry here much longer; I do not want to be caught trespassing. Even more so, I do not want to turn around. If she is there, if she is really there and it is her voice I hear, then this will be enough for me.  
  
  
 _October 15, 2013_  
  
 _My name is Doctor Avondale Napier – formerly Napyeer. Today, my sister, Steffi Napyeer, is at peace. Today, I am finally at peace._  
  
 _I will love you forever, Steffi._


End file.
